Start of school year rings in with added pleasure
You’ve heard a lot about Christmas in July, but what you haven’t heard is it’s a Happy New Year in August.
Yes, all seniors are about to experience a happiness usually reserved for January 1. Very soon in this month of August if you are older than 55 or retired, your blood pressure will drop significantly without taking any medication.
Soon, your mood swings of the past couple of months will stabilize without having to take a single drink or Valium. In the next few weeks, you will be able to back your car out of the driveway and not worry about being broadsided by a vehicle attempting to attain warp speed.
In this New Year if you’re awake past 11 p.m., you will be able to hear your own TV without being drowned out by the pounding-down beat of the latest foul lyric rap hits from cars driving down your street.
Before you start thinking I’m sniffing stuff that looks like it fell off the top of a donut, let me explain. All of this will happen because of just one simple, mostly ignored annual senior holiday known as “Back To School.’’ Oh yeah. It’s a New Year, new school year that is.
There will once again be peace in the valley when the local high school opens up for business in a few days. I look forward to this holiday more than New Year’s Eve because this joyous occasion lasts nine months or 180 days to be exact, by law. Oh, the streets will be safe again for us until around 3 p.m. every afternoon. You won’t have to feel like you need to dodge the NASCAR field every time you want to go for a ride.
Chances are you won’t see the single finger salute for driving the speed limit for about three-quarters of a year. I understand the teens need seven or eight hours of sleep each night in order to maintain their mastery of the total knowledge of the universe. This keeps those of us with five-plus decades of life experience as the dunces of the world. So, in bed by 11 p.m. you guys.
Thankfully, those boom boxes of tunes by their idols and mentors such as Eminem, Snoop Dog and Tupac won’t be blasting late into the night until next June. Yes, put your summer pills and alcohol away and everybody just calm down. You’ve heard of Christmas in July? Well, welcome to the New Year of August. School year that is!