Life can become bland in a hurry

Funny Thing Is


The older I get, the more bland life becomes.

Gone are the days when I would hang out with my buds, draining the beer taps in the local bowling alley, talking about sports and the unforgiving boss, closing bars and partying until the sun comes up.

In those days, I could eat anything without a second thought. The only exercise I got was 12-ounce curls. The only time I would run is if someone was chasing me.

Oh, how times have changed.

Now, I stop drinking beer when my belt runs out of holes. I walk the Garden Street Bridge in Titusville for exercise as often as possible.

OK, I have a confession.

They put a tiki bar under the bridge, and I walk at Happy Hour when draft beers are $1 each.

I honestly never thought about my health until my first Shuttle launch. I worked a number of 12-hour night shifts with some Air Force guys. At 29 years old, I was working a console position and I couldn’t stay awake.

They introduced me to coffee Air Force style. Their coffee was so strong the spoon stood up by itself. I found myself talking like that fast-talking guy on the old FedEx commercials, who could recite the complete “War and Peace” in about 10 minutes.

Heart blips became a concern and, when I went to the doctor and told him how many cups I was drinking a day, he looked like he had just watched Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on First” routine.

After he finished hysterically laughing, he convinced me to run even if nobody was chasing me. I started to exercise even before the tiki bar was built under the bridge, and I liked it.

After that, I loved getting my annual blood test so I could listen to the doc tell me how healthy I was.

Then, I turned 60.

Uh oh. It’s like, when you hit 60, everything from the receding hairline to the floor revolts against you. After the last blood test, I went from putting extra salt on McDonald’s fries and dieting on sour cream and onion flavored potato chips to being on a low-sodium diet.

Wow! And, that’s not all. Also, I have to avoid sugar.

Now, my friends will tell you when there was cake they would always cut the corner with the most flowers off for me. So, maybe I should start eating shredded paper and some of those styrofoam packing peanuts and drinking unflavored water.

Yep, no sugar, no salt. Isn’t life just bland. 

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