Hurry becomes ‘hurri’ as hurricanes approach


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I finally figured out why they call them Hurri-canes. It’s because of the way people act when the barrel of the hurricane tracks points at their hometown.

Hurry wouldn’t even describe it.

Remember those old Keystone Cops movies where the cops were running at three times the normal speed, in all different directions, bouncing off each other or running over each other in their panic?

Same visual.

It’s kind of ironically funny that the No. 1 piece of advice on the news is to stock up on water before the storm dumps about 10 inches of what?

Yep, water.

OK. I did see one really good piece of advice that said stock up on garbage bags.

Huh?

Yeah, you line your garbage cans with heavy duty bags and let the rain fill them to use in the toilets.

Hey, that’s not bad!

And don’t forget to empty out your local gas station. That’s so you have enough fuel to energize that bomb in your garage that’s supposed to get the lights back in your house so you can see the toxic fumes emanating from it.

Another genius suggested you stock up your freezer with as much food as you can.

Really?

Then, when the storm knocks out the power you’re on the clock to eat it all before it spoils.

Now help me with something here. During these storms, your blood pressure is probably a lot higher than normal.

If the water lines are affected, your toilet doesn’t work. And, if the electricity goes out, you’re in the dark.

So the solution is to eat yourself into a heart attack before the food spoils. Then, the next day, everything is going to come out the other end. You can’t find the bathroom in the dark and, even if you can, the toilet doesn’t work.

Now your blood pressure is off the charts and this is how to “survive” a hurricane? Let’s face it folks. The news channels love spinning you into a frenzy because it gets more people to tune in.

Remember that video of a reporter supposedly fighting high winds and rain. As the camera panned back, you saw two guys walking calmly in the background?

I rest my case.

Prepare yes, but take your time. Avoid any “hurri.”