Stock market still remains baffling in troubling times


I keep asking, “What’s up with the stock market?”

 Pun intended.

 My inquisitive nature led me to do research on the phenomena known as the U.S. Stock Market. I just don’t
get it.

 So, let’s say you have $1,000 extra (one grand) and you can’t decide what to do with it. You can go to Disney World, which is essentially a people trap set by a mouse.

 Think about it.

 You’re drawn there by a mouse for a grand adventure, but after two days the only thing grand is what’s missing from your wallet. 

Or, you could buy more health insurance so you can be ill at ease (pun intended again). Speaking of insurance, how do atheists justify paying for insurance that only pays off from an act of God.

 You finally come down to the choice of the stock market or a casino. Now someone tell me what’s the difference. You enter both with the hope of becoming rich, and soon after find your pockets are as empty as the promises of politicians.

 What happened?

 In trying to learn about the stock market before entering, I contacted a guy called a broker.

 Hold on a second. 

The guy that’s supposed to make you rich is called a broker? I asked him, “What’s up” with the stock market and he said, and I quote: “Corn is popping, cattle are stagnant. Wheat and soybean show slow growth while oil has been leaking off their highs. Steel looks solid and gold is really shining. Wood looks to be holding firm, but there are splinters in some sectors. Coal is looking dark, but cotton appears to be growing perennially. Elevators are on the rise, while escalators continue their slow decline. The market for raisins dried up, and toilet paper touched a new bottom, so investors were wiped clean.”

 Yeah. So tell me something I didn’t know. Are you gonna trust this guy with your money?

 After investing my one grand and seeing the market crash, I asked my broker what to do and he said, “Just sit on it.”

 Turns out what I was sitting on was the only thing I lost. Now where was that casino?