It’s that time again to do the “Year in Review.” Well, what can you say about the first year of our new decade? I have two words for 2020, BYE-BYE! One BYE for each 20.
I’ve heard of the new rave of Escape Rooms, but an Escape Year? Yep. Get me outta here. What can possibly be funny about a year of locusts, killer hornets, stock market crashes and every bar in the U.S. closing?
For starters, we threw a Valentine’s Party. That was before all the lockdown orders. Everybody was coming to the party until I made the mistake of telling them I had two cases of Corona. Uh, oh. Nobody came just because I was serving my favorite beer?
In this most bizarre year, my new best friends became Jack Daniel, Sam Adams and Jim Beam. The only cruise I took was with Captain Morgan, and believe it or not my hands consumed more alcohol than my mouth. I spent most of this year trying to find someone named “moderation” because everyone was telling me to drink with him.
Usually people stand in line for hours to get tickets for concerts, the Super Bowl and World Series. In 2020, we stood in line for toilet paper? Huh?
Normally, we do our best to avoid negative people. In 2020, we did our best to avoid positive people.
And remember all the name change stuff. Here’s my contribution. Starting with baseball, my Cleveland Indians are considering changing their name. I suggest they call themselves the “Michael Jacksons” because both wear gloves for no apparent reason.
Since bowling sounds too violent, let’s call it pinball. Why don’t we call bedrooms, restrooms instead?
Also, why do we say damaged goods? What’s good about them?
I think we should call astronauts, skyentists, and jet skis should be boatercycles, And why do animal physicians call themselves veterinarians? They treat mostly canines, so why not call them dogtors?
You see what hanging out with Jack Daniel does to your mind?
I guess we can say whether it’s wipes, hand sanitizers or adult libations, 2020 is the year alcohol became the most important societal icon in the world.
So raise your glass and let’s toast the coming New Year. For the first time, these words are literally true: “It can’t get any worse.”
I’ll drink to that.