You know how when you’re driving along and you pass a church or a restaurant that has funny sayings on the signs out front?
Well, you get to see those whether you want to or not. But there is hilarity in other things you might not have noticed.
Warning labels or signs not on the roads. For instance, there is a warning label on a child’s shirt that says “Remove child before washing.” Really? Another on a stroller that says “Remove child before folding.” I saw one that says “Caution do not wear shirt while ironing.”
Who does these things that we need a warning label for them? Please tell me these people aren’t driving on our roads. Their sign would be “Caution vehicle moves when operating.”
Jerry Seinfeld talks about the label on the Superman Halloween costume that reads “Do not attempt to fly.” There are some obvious warning signs like “Driver carries no cash, he’s married,” and on the microwave “Do not use to dry animals.” On a chainsaw, “Do not hold spinning end.”
I can’t believe I’m seeing this stuff, but they’re real.
On a handheld hair dryer, it says “Do not operate while sleeping.” Duh! I also found a warning sign that says “Caution touching wires may result in death. $200 fine.”
Good luck collecting that one.
A bar owner tired of smokers littering posted “Please don’t throw cigarette butts on the floor. The cockroaches are getting cancer.” Another one for smokers is “Notice, no smoking unless you’re on fire.”
A welcome sign for our town could read “Drive slow and see our town, drive fast and see our jail.” At the pool, “Warning do not breathe under water” and “Welcome to our … ool. That’s right, there’s no P and let’s keep it that way.”
The label on a birth control package reads: “Warning, use correctly. 90 percent of all people are caused by accidents.”
For alcohol consumption, you have “Warning, alcohol consumption before pregnancy may result in pregnancy.” Or how about “Warning drinking alcohol may make people appear better looking than they are.” You’ll find out in the morning. Finally, my favorite says: “I told myself to stop drinking but who listens to a drunk that talks to himself?”
To quote an old pickup line: “So what’s your sign?”